BSG vs. Star Trek

I first read this post in Sarah's blog and laughed so much I asked her if I could re-publish it in mine, as many of my friends are into Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek or both. I hope you like it as much as I did.

My comments are in purple.


In the latest of our household Trek vs. Galactica debates, I questioned why there are no hot guys on Star Trek. Each Trek has at least one hot female character, but the male characters? Not so much. The B-Star G has Apollo, Helo, and Anders [Tinsie fans herself furiously at this point]. The three of them are solidly in the realm of superhotness. And then? The "lesser" characters like Baltar, the Chief, and Gaeta aren't terribly hard on the eyes either. Clearly humanity is going to make it, having managed to save all the hot people when the Cylons nuked civilization. (Which raises one of my major beefs with the Cylons, actually: How come all the female Cylon models are smoking, while the males are all "ehhh"? Six: hot [more furious fanning]. Boomer: hot. Three: hot. Cavil: old. Doral: balding [Poor man's Kevin Spacey]. Simon: could be hot if we saw him longer than 3 seconds. Leoben: the Leobens are the best-looking male Cylon model, but they've got that hot-in-a-creepy-way thing going on.)

Perhaps if Star Trek introduced Hot Off-Duty Tank Tops like BSG, we'd know whether anyone had a good body under their yicky 80's spandex. Alas, spandex seems to be the clothing for all occasions. The Trek may be uber-popular scifi, but it doesn't have a history of doing much for its female viewers.

I rank the various Star Treks in terms of guy hotness:

*** no ranking *** Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Now, this is the Trek it's been the longest since I've seen. Therefore I'm not going to pass judgment at this time. I will say, though, that I've gone through the main characters to refresh my memory, and no one jumps out at me as hot. Bashir is cute [awww I do like Alexander Siddig], but not my type. Eventually I will Netflix these and determine at that time if anyone surprises, and jumps out at me as hot.

4. Star Trek: The Next Generation. I think the following conversation sums this one up:
Mike: But didn't you think Picard was totally attractive? [Picard?!!]
Me: Eeeeeew! [Eeeeeew indeed]
Mike: I mean, because of the power, and the voice. You didn't find him attractive?
Me: Eeeeew he's old! But I think I did have a mini-crush on Riker when I was a kid, and a girl-crush on Counselor Troi. [Counselor Troi was a hottie, I'll give you that]
Mike: Ew, Riker?
So, yeah, not a lot of hotties on TNG. Everyone's stubbornly average. And Riker doesn't do it for me anymore. Sorry, TNG. I like you, but you're Not Hot.

3. Star Trek: Enterprise. We've watched through Season 2 of Enterprise on Netflix, and this was what prompted the whole discussion. They don't wear spandex on Enterprise, which can only be counted as a good thing. The guys have T'Pol [female Spock?], who is always having to be wiped down in the weird decontamination gel room. Plus Hoshi is also cute. But for the girls? Archer: average. Malcolm: average. Travis: I thought he was cute when he got his own episode, but he always has that "gee whiz!" expression on his face, which is Not Hot. Trip: He seems to get laid the most, and from his decon gel scenes has a pretty good body (which is under a jumpsuit all the time!), but I'd rank him "cute but not hot." Plus his southern hick accent is off-putting to me.

2. Star Trek: The Original Series. This series features Captain Kirk as the ultimate space pimp. The Shatner at that age is pretty good-looking [oh yes!] But no one else is cute. So I guess this Trek is getting its rating purely for the Space Pimp Factor.

1. Star Trek: Voyager. Clearly the winner. I watch Voyager on SpikeTV every afternoon, and therefore consider myself qualified to declare it the Hottest Trek. Tom Paris is a total cutie [not bad, but he's no Jamie Bamber]. Chakotay? Hot. In an older man with bad-ass facial tattoo kind of way. I don't know, am I alone out there with this one? Whatever. Chakotay is hot. Ensign Kim is not entirely uncute, either. Congratulations, Star Trek: Voyager, and thank you!