Monday morning joke

A woman writes to IT technical support.....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as News 5.0, Money 3.0 and Football 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

XXX

***********REPLY*************

Dear Madam,

Firstly, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: I thoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

Wordless Wednesday 100

Back to reality with a thump

Hey guys, apologies for the silence! I've been on holiday on and off for the last month and as a result my blogging has suffered somewhat. I've spent time in Corfu and Cyprus with intermediate stops in London and Athens, so it's been quite a whirlwind.

My latest destination was the sunny island of Cyprus. Returning to the miserable UK weather after 9 days of glorious sunshine and temperatures in the 30's hasn't been easy - I feel I've crashed back into reality. Really missing the sun, which I've not seen since 4:45 PM on Monday 13/9 when our plane took off from Larnaca airport. I've come back with the best tan I've had in ages, but there's not even a ray of sunshine to help maintain it, let alone top it up. It's depressing.

I think I'm suffering with post-holiday blues. Sigh.

Wordless Wednesday 99