Come again?

My email provider is apparently experiencing problems. This is news to me, as I seem to be getting emails just fine, only fewer than normal, but it is the weekend when most people are out and about, enjoying the sunshine etc.

Credit where credit is due, they've been keeping me updated with regular emails about their progress in locating and fixing the fault. This is email No. 4 which arrived earlier this morning, and the only one I've read to the end.

Claranet have identified an incident impacting the following services; Leased Lines, Ethernet Lines and xDSL.

The fault is located deep in a tunnel, deep level structural damage and high CO2 levels mean that BT will be unable to resolve this incident by repairing the existing infrastructure. Mobile units currently on route [sic] to the site and will be used to set up temporary connectivity bypassing the affected tunnel span. It is estimated that all necessary equipment should have arrived on site, been configured and a work-around put in place for all affected services by 5pm this evening. Due to the scale of this incident BT are unable to re-route any individual circuits as they do not have the capacity elsewhere to be able to cope with this.

We will continue to update via notification throughout the lifecycle of this incident. We thank you for your continued patience and apologise for any inconvenience this issue is causing.

Ignoring the grammatical and spelling errors, how much of this message have you actually understood? Assuming you read all of it and didn't give up when you got to the bit about structural damage and CO2 levels. I persevered to the end (twice) and can't help thinking they could have saved themselves some time and effort by sending me a much simpler message:

Big problem with email. Stop. BT working hard to fix it. Stop. Lines back to normal by 5 PM. Stop. Sorry for inconvenience.

This is all I understood of the original message anyway.